There are times in my life when I feel that this just might be just about as good as it gets for me. That all of the thoughts, all of the dreams that I had of a better life are just that, thoughts and dreams. Living up to nothing other then what I can do, only to keep on going, because what else is there left to do but to keep on going. To work at what I do, only because there is nothing else left that interests me enough to find out that it really does not interest me all that much anymore.
Still, the best that I can hope for is that there is still enough time to do all of the things that I need to be doing to get to where it is that I want to be, and that is the literary promised land. Well, one of the reasons that I am keeping up with all of this is, that I can control what goes on with all of this, that I am the one who makes all of the decisions.
Most of the time is taken up by people who are telling me what to do. Of course, I am being paid for this, so it does help to take off some of the stings, but there is always that sense of resentment, that I feel as if I am being treated like a second-class citizen. So I do what I do and I take what I take, knowing that there will come a time in this dog’s life when he will have his day.
Of course it is hard not to be taking all of this to personally, simply because there are times when I feel as if I am being singles out simply because it seems that I am the only person where I work, that is dumb enough to keep saying yes to coming in early, staying late, and working so many days in a row. There will come a time when this boy is going to learn how to say no, and there are going to be some people that I know that is not going to like it, but what else can I do? I have reached the point in my life where I really do need to start thinking more about myself. Not in a selfish or self-centered way, but taking more time out for myself and for all of the things that I need to be doing.
Sorry, didn’t mean to go off in that direction, but there are times when the only thing that I can do is just scream a little bit. It’s all good.
It’s all good. So it goes. Press on regardless.