​Good Morning Everyone,

Well here I am again, trying to make sense of what I'm calling my life but I don't think of doing a very good job of it at the moment what else can I do just trying to survive. Of course there is times when I think that there has to be more to life than just surviving, that just being alive. So all I can do right now is just to keep fighting the fight and that when it comes time for me to cross over Jordan I will be hearing those words that all believers long to hear, well done good and faithful servant, enter your rest.

Until that time comes I still have to live this life and do whatever it is I've been put here to do, not the least of which is to serve God, to love God, and to love others as I love myself. Though there has been times in my life were in I have felt not very lovable or not very good about myself but I don't think that's all that uncommon to the human condition.

Not to turn this into a religious statement or testimony, but it simply just where I'm at right at the moment, and there are times in all of our lives when the only thing we can do is just deal with what we have and where we are, and this is where I met at the moment.

The only thing I can do right now is just trust in what I believe in, as if believing in something you don't trust is almost a contradiction, because how can you believe in something and not trust it. While I don't want to turn this into a case of semantics but I just thought I'd throw that in there for better or worse.

In the meantime though the only thing I can say is that my faith my belief system is one of the few things that I have in my life that makes any sense, the rest of it just leaves me clueless. But the world is become to be too complicated to scary too uncertain, but God is still in control regardless of whether or not I believe it or anyone else believes it. To my way of thinking it takes more faith not to believe, that all this happened simply by accident.

That all this is something that simply happened by chance. That, in following that logic, we have just about as much value as an amoeba. So therefore, staying in that vein, we might as well just eat drink and be merry because tomorrow we may die. That there is no sense of justice or goodness or redemption or hope or even love. That there are those who believe that love is little more than just a chemical reaction, then any belief systems is little more than just a collection of myths and legends and wishful thinking.

In the end though, the only thing I can do is just give my testimony, to say that it can be a light in a very dark world. It is better to light one candle than it is to curse the darkness. Sorry didn't mean to preach, but I do hope that for those of you who are searching asking questions, the answers out there, all you need to do is reach out and take it. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

I printed it helps. It does.

It’s all good. So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

www.silentscreamsandothermusings.com 

​it’s just a thought

It’s just a thought, but why is it that you work and wait for something that your heart desires, and when you get there, it almost doesn’t seem to be worth the effort that it took to get there, or it was something that you did not expect to turn out the way that it did, it is a case of the dream is better then the reality. If that is the case after all, I think that I will stick with the dream. It is sometimes better that way. It’s just a thought. So it goes. Press on regardless.

​Monday, April 16 2018

there are times when it all just seems to be just a little to much
and the only thing that I am going to try and do
is just lean more to just being myself
and that the rest of it
the rest of it is simply out of my hands

there are other times
when the only thing that I am going to be able to do
is to just stay true to myself 
and to all of those things that I know to be true
the rest of it is out of my hands

the first
the last
it all just does not seem to matter anymore
all that I will be happy with is just seeing just one more day
there are times when it all just gets to be just a little to much
the rest of it is just out of my hands

so it goes
press on regardless

Hello all you caffeine junkies,

There are those amongst you that just may be thinking that all that I am doing all day is just sitting around all day and drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, well nothing could be further from the truth. There are times when I actually stand up and do it. In the end though, the only thing that I know for sure is that it would not be a bad life, but it doesn’t pay well. It’s all good.

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Yours In The Spirit Of The Bean,

Lee 

​A view from a coffeehouse

after all of this time
trying to make sense of it all
I have found that there is always something just out of reach
bringing myself home through some sense of time
as I find myself looking at life through the bottom of a coffee cup
and I still find myself looking forward to something that might be
I had always thought that my life would have been different
but after all
it is still all the same to me
as I find myself trying to make up for lost time
but once time is gone
it’s gone
and no matter how much we may want to otherwise
there is simply no getting it back
yet there is still life outside of these four walls of my caffeine
I am sure that all of this will make sense some day
but in the meantime
I am still left to try and find my own way
and that there will be something more then just time 

​Jazz

wishing for a new definition of jazz
something that is always changing
along with the music
simply
by the time that you think that you understand it
it is changing again

waiting for a new definition of jazz
and the rebirth of the blues
reaching new ground
that has not been worked for awhile
but being unable to hold onto it for lack of support
I have been to aware of other things
to become aware anything else
it is all about the music
I really should teach myself to try and be happy again
but all that I am going to be able to do is to fit in where the music takes me
looking into the mirror of myself
as I watch the world go by
all that I am feeling right now is that I should be

​Believing in fairy tales

the last time that I found myself believing in fairy tales
it all ended up being the same to me
that I was hoping that I was going to be able to find something 
new
something better
something that was going to make sense to me
and I am still wishing myself the best of luck
but we still have to take what it is that we have been given
and simply try and make the best of it
still
there must be something new
something better
something brighter
something so great that it will never change
something that goes so far beyond words
that the only thing that we can do
the best that we can do
is to simply try and understand it
only on our best day
that there will always be love
that never seems to come to late
but is there when we need it the most
I am still looking for love
and letting myself believe that some day it will find me
yet love is never equal for all people
that there will be those
who through no fault of there own
they always seem to be on the back end of everything
and love always seems to find them at the very end of the line
will there ever be anything new
anything old
anything at all

​The news of a lifetime

trying to make sense of all of the things that I see
making sense of life
of love
of money
the only thing that I am sure of right now is time
should I become more aware
I am thinking of everything
but nothing makes sense
there is nothing that cannot be done,
but I am getting nothing accomplished
I am still wishing that there will come a time, 
when I will be able to follow my heart
yet there are still to many other things that I have been told
by myself
that simply need to get done first
but there is so many other things that are going to get unfinished
unsaid
unannounced
or simply forgotten
and I still find myself wishing that I were somewhere else
will it be true
could it be true
but it all come down to making the time for it
and nothing more
everything else
the world 
life 
love 
death 
eternity
meaning
it is still all so very far away
out here
where I am
there are still so many feelings left to be felt

​Making sure of everyday

trying to make sure of my every day
and still be able to deal with my life
until the words and music of my life are complete
in this thing that may be called meaning
I am still feeling that I should be moving toward something
that will never make me the same again
the words come and go but my days remain the same
but what else can I do
except to try and make my every days great again

Good Morning Everyone,

So here I am, one more day away from my vacation, and I do not know what it is that I am going top be doing for a whole week with out having to deal with the circus, but I think that it is something that I am going to be able to get use to, even if it is only for a week.

In the meantime, I hope, that with all of the other things that I hope to be able to catch up on, is that I hope to be able to get some more writing in, ot at least more then what I have been, because work has been keeping me busier then I would like, but what else can I do except what I have been doing, in the hope that there will be something good to come out of even this.

In the end, all that I am hoping for right now is that some day I will be able to leave behind the circus and simply get on with the rest of what is left of my life. It is all good.

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

​It’s Just A Thought.

It’s just a thought, but there are times when the world just gets to be to much, but I know that I have to go out and face the whole dirty mess, because that is what an adult does, even though there  are times I feel as if I am still eight years old again, and that I need someone to take care of me. Now that I think about it even at my age, I think that it would be nice if there were someone to take care of me, because I don’t seem to be doing such a good job if it on my own.

Speaking of being single, it can be its own cross, which can get awfully heavy at times. That however, may be another story for another time, but I think that some of you just might get the idea. Either way it is all good. So it goes. Press on regardless.

Friday, April 6, 2018

life can be worth the living,
if we don’t weaken,
but there are times,
even now,
I find myself getting
terribly tired about the whole thing,
but the only thing that I can do
is stay the course
understanding that it will have been worth the journey

Good Morning Everyone,

I would like to take the time to wish you all a Happy and Joyous Easter, and that the real reason behind all of this is the resurrection of our Lord. It is far to easy to forget that when you are thinking of bunnies and Eater egg hunts.

He Has Risen!! He Has Risen indeed!! May God’s richest blessings be yours now and always. 

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

Sunday Morning Greetings,

On this Easter Sunday, I would like to take the time wish you all of the joy and good news of the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That the full meaning of the season will be remembered now and every day. 

He Has Risen!! He Has Risen Indeed. Thanks be to God!

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

​It’s Just A Thought.

It’s just a thought, but there are times when the only thing that I can do is pray for mercy, and cry out for some sort of companionship, against the darkness of time, and the truth, that there are times, when the only thing left to do, is to just hope for a better way. A better life. A better.

To have the courage to live a life that no one else understands. In the end, the only thing left to do, is just live.  It’s just a thought. So it goes. Press on regardless.

​love, laughter and the meaning of life

love
laughter
and the meaning of life
wishful thinking in the middle of what should be a serious situation
never knowing what to do
what to believe,
or who to trust again
for the first time
what will become of me
there are times when I wonder about such things
and way to confused for my own good
in the meantime,
is there anyone listening?

I’m tired of all this doubt
I am sick of all of these false friends 
with there false emotions
I want roses in my garden
not thorns
I want love to walk with me along my garden path
not apathy
love and hope
I will take these two friends to walk with me
to stand with me against the darkness of reality
is there anyone listening?

​Saturday March 31 2018

with all of the things that I need to be doing
which means being a responsible adult
and all of the things that I need to be doing
to keep all of my dreams afloat
there comes a time when the two collide
and the only thing that I can do
is to pick up the pieces of what was
and match it to what will need to happen
in the end
these things happen
whether we want them to or not

​Good Morning Everyone,

Just when I thought that things in my life, at least from a technological point of view, could not get any worse, they just got worse. My main laptop is now on the fritz, and I am back to using the laptop that I upgraded from until I can get the money to either have the other one fixed, or get a new one. At this one, the getting it fixed option is the most feasible one at this point.

No matter what I do, it is going to cost me money, a lot of money, that I do not have and that I am going to have to save for, and God only knows how long that is going to take at this point. Right now I am in a love hate relationship with technology at this point. Not the way that I had all of this planned, and it just keeps getting better and better.

Well if all of this is getting better and better, I would hate to think what worse would be looking like. So the only thing left to do with all of this, is just deal with it.

Now where is all of this going? Well it is going to the fact that I like most other people that I know, have become dependent upon technology, that when it is not doing what it is that I would hope that it would be doing, or that it was designed to do, and it gets to the point where I cannot use it, even if it is only to the point when I can get it fixed, I am feeling put out, and I have to use an older technology.

What does it all mean? Where will all of this take me? Where will all of this take us? That is the question of the day.
It seems that there are always to many questions, and not enough answers. So what else is there left to do. 

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

Visit my blog at www.silentscreamsandothermusings.com

Sunday Morning Greetings,

As always, I pray that you all passed a blessed week, and on this Palm Sunday, as we enter Holy Week, and next Sunday, as we remember the resurrection of our Lord, something that we should be remembering every day, as we go along our journey, I pray that all of you will receive a special blessing as we enter this time of the year, on which our faith, and our lives hang. Our hope is built on nothing less.

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

Good Morning Everyone,

The one thing that I know right now is that the next couple of weeks until my first vacation week, I am thinking that it all just might turn into a blur. Well, and the only thing that I know is, for reasons that I will not get into here, things at work are not going well. 

It is nothing to do with me, but a person that I work with decided that they are not liming working with the circus anymore. So it just what it is, and nothing more. So all of this writing that I am trying to do, well I think that the time will be all that much tighter. So I ask your patients and you understanding in all of this. It’s all good.

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

​It’s Just a Thought.

The last thing that I need right now is a little more stress in my life. I know that it is all a matter of what we have to live with, but it is all in how we handle what we have in our lives. 

There are those who handle it better then others. There are those who do not handle it at all. The only thing that I know right now is to just keep it all moving and doing what it is that I need to be doing. In the end, it is all good. So it goes. Press on regardless.

​can we have peace in our time

can we have peace in our time
only if we are willing to work for it
but it is also a question of what sort of peace we are looking for
peace
being the absence of violence
or the peace that passes all understanding
either way
there is some work to be done

​Saturday March 24 2018

there are times when I find my emotions are getting to far ahead of what it is that I am thinking
and that all of the things that I want to be able to do
are falling to far behind
that the best that I am going to be able to do
is just try and keep all of the people 
and all of the things
that are important to me
in sight
and in my prayers
most everything else is out of my control

Good Morning Everyone,

Sometimes, whatever life has to give us, the best that we are going to be able to do is to just go along with it. There are just some things that are out of our control. In the meantime, this is just going to have to do, this little bit of sophomoric philosophy is simple going to have to pass, simple, the way that I am feeling right at the moment is the best that I can do.

I hope that all of you are well and that I will be hearing form you soon. It’s all good.  

So it goes. Press on regardless.

Faithfully Yours,

Lee

​It’s Just A Thought.

It’s just a thought, but maybe I have this figured out all wrong, and should simply except what God, or the fates have to offer. The rest of it just seem much to complicated for me to try and figure out. Until proven otherwise, I guess that this is simply going to have to do. So it goes. Press on regardless.